


winter cold

by anxietyblues



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24853060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxietyblues/pseuds/anxietyblues
Summary: wherein akaashi needs some time alone
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	winter cold

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first attempt at a non-reader fic, please go easy on me uwu

Akaashi took another deep breath and rubbed his hands on his face out of frustration. His chest felt heavy as if someone was stepping on it and he had to remind himself to inhale. He never felt this frustrated before, to the point of feeling his head spin, his breath hitch, his ears ring. His mind went through a million thoughts per minute and at that moment, he believed that it was possible for his head to explode.

_He's acting like a child._

_Why is he feeling this way?_

_It was a simple argument, no, not even an argument. He didn't talk. Arguments needed two participants._

_Why is he behaving this way? Is it okay to feel this way? How was he supposed to know? He's being pathetic._

_Akaashi Keiji, you're better than this._

"See? You're tuning out again." A frustrated Bokuto groans across the room. Akaashi snaps out of his trance and slightly turns his head towards the other. He notes the older man's frustration that equals his and for some reason, it only intensified the weight in his chest.

Bokuto releases an exasperated sigh and accidentally slams the cup he was holding into the counter, causing it to break.

With the sound of the glass breaking, Akaashi felt something in him snap.

"I'm done." Akaashi says to no one in particular, as if he just realized something. 

"What?"

"I can't have this conversation anymore, Bokuto-san."

Akaashi staggered up from the couch and shook his head. His chest was too heavy and it felt like he was going to be ripped into two. 

He was furious but he didn't know at who. At Bokuto who was staring at him? At himself? Not knowing what he's mad at only intensified all the emotions in his chest and before he knew it, he was gasping for air with tears running down his face.

He was choking on his own sobs, his eyes are unfocused, and his arms were trembling but the pain in his chest lessened. It took a while for him to realize that he was cradled in Bokuto's arms and that the later was running his hand on his back, holding him tightly.

"What's happening? Please talk to me." Bokuto whimpered as he squeezed Akaashi closer to him, his voice just as weak and broken as the man he was holding.

With his breath quivering, Akaashi pushes himself off of Bokuto's hold and with his head hung low, he finally gave Bokuto the words he needed to hear.

"Bokuto-san I'm exhausted."

Bokuto looked at him intently, like he was trying to soak in every word that was coming out of Akaashi's mouth, like he was memorizing each tone, each pause.

"I'm running on empty. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm a dead man walking. I'm so tired, I'm so sad, I just want this to end, please. I'm so tired."

"What do you want me to do, Keiji? Do you want to break up?"

"I don't know. I need some time alone."

Bokuto stared at Akaashi for what it seemed like eternity. Finally he nodded and stood up, reaching out a hand to help the other stand. 

The two of them bask in each other presence, their breaths syncing before Bokuto breaks the silence.

"Can I hug you?"

Akaashi doesn't say anything and steps into Bokuto's arm and the later immediately locks his arms around him. Akaashi had to suppress the urge to cry once more the moment he feels Bokuto's warm envelope him. He wraps his arms around Bokuto, taking in his scent and the moment he did so, thoughts flooded him again.

_Why was he trying to leave?_

_His home was right here._

_What was he trying to do?_

_What if Bokuto leaves too?_

_Akaashi Keiji, are you sure you're ready to leave?_

Bokuto untangles his limbs from Akaashi. Cupping his face, he places a soft, chaste kiss on Akaashi's forehead, whispering, "I'm not going anywhere so come back to me, okay?"

The seasons have changed and Akaashi had to admit that the distance was harder than he expected. For the first few weeks Bokuto listened to him and disappeared in his circle. He insisted that he'd rather move out for a while to help Akaashi heal but every time Akaashi comes home to an empty house, he had to fight his own hand from dialing the phone.

A month without Bokuto made Akaashi miss him fiercely. He missed him with every fiber of his being but with all the time he spent working on himself, he was healing. They had been apart before, when he was in college and Bokuto was training for the Black Jackals but they have never went a month without communication.

Finally, Akaashi picks up his phone and sends a message.

_I miss you. I hope you have a great day today._

Three months since Bokuto moved out and Akaashi felt so alive. Living for himself the past months has ignited something in him. For the first time in a long while he was doing something he loved, he found the courage to break walls for his dreams, and he did it all on his own. 

He lied on the bed, sprawled out and staring at the clock. 3 am. Work kept him late but Akaashi was so happy, he felt like his chest was about to burst. It was fulfillment and pride, happiness and satisfaction pressed into his heart. And when Akaashi was this happy, there was only one thing he does.

"Hello?"

_"Akaashi? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"_

"I missed you too Bokuto-san." 

_"I miss you so much. Is everything okay there? Its late."_

"Everything is great. I just had a great day and I wanted to hear your voice."

_"I'm glad you had a great day. How was work?"_

"I finally got approved to write a literary column for next month's issue!"

_"What? Really? I'm so proud of you!"_

"Bokuto-san its 3 am, please don't shout."

_"Its fine, Atsumu sleeps like a rock during winter. I'm really proud of you, Keiji."_

"Thank you. By the way, Udai-san wanted to know if you wanna play volley with us when it stops snowing."

_"You're playing volleyball again?"_

"Oh, yes! Udai-san and some alumni from Karasuno were short on players and I was invited so..."

_"They're so lucky they got to hit great tosses! We should play again next time!"_

"We should."

The line went silent for a full minute and suddenly, Keiji can't find any words to say. He just listened to Bokuto's soft breathing and he could almost see Bokuto fiddling with his phone, trying to keep the conversation going.

_"Keiji. I'm really proud of you."_

"You said that already," Akaashi chuckled.

_"I'm sorry, Keiji. I didn't know I was holding you down all this time."_

"You're wrong. Bokuto-san, what I'm going through is not about you. I just...lost myself for a while and I didn't want to rely on you so much."

_"To be honest with you, I feel like I rely on you too much so I wish you relied on me just as much. I'm sorry for letting you deal with this alone, Keiji."_

Akaashi chuckled. "Bokuto-san, you don't know how much I rely on you. These past months has been...challenging. I quit my job and started from the beginning and its scary. But I kept in mind what you said, that you're not going anywhere. And everything new that I tried, I felt safe knowing you'll be there. Even now."

_"Are you crying? I'm sorry I'm not there to hug you."_

"Stop apologizing so much, Bokuto-san. And if you want...maybe you can comeback?"

_"Comeback? As in move back in?"_

"Bokuto-san you're shouting again."

_"Can I really move back in?"_

"Yes but not right now. Its snowing hard and its late so don't drive."

_"But I wanna go back..."_

"Bokuto-san you better not leave your dorm tonight."

_"When can I? I miss you."_

"Tomorrow. You should rest okay?"

That night, Akaashi had to admit that he was a hypocrite. The moment Bokuto hung up, Akaashi felt so giddy about the thought of Bokuto moving back in that he started cleaning the floors and chopping vegetables for breakfast even though he wasn't sure what time Bokuto would arrive.

It was 5:30 am and Akaashi knew better than to force himself to sleep. Instead, he put on his coat and headed outside to watch the sun rise. Pushing the building door open, Akaashi almost screamed in surprise when he saw Bokuto standing in front of him, holding two cups of coffee.

Bokuto yelped in surprise and grinned. "I know you told me not to come but I just thought you'd like coffee in the -" 

Akaashi didn't hear anything Bokuto said because the moment he saw the smile he missed, Akaashi ran to him, almost tackling him to the ground.

"Keiji, you'll get coffee on you!" Bokuto laughed, balancing two cups of coffee while trying to figure out how to hug him back.

Akaashi laughed and took the cups away, placing them down on the ground before returning in Bokuto's arms. He buried his face on the other's chest and whispered, "I'm home."

"Welcome home," Bokuto whispered back, squeezing Akaashi tighter. 

For once, winter doesn't feel as cold.


End file.
